I'm burning in toxic, toxic
It's burning, burning my skin
I'm breaking I'm falling into this pit
It's cold, desperate, empty.
I need you to save me.
How do you expect to fix what's already broken?
The pieces won't fit the same way
When disappointment is amidst within the air.
Can't you see I'm breaking?
I'm shaking.
I can't...
I've been calling out, to nothing
Getting nothing,
Searching for nothing
Finding Nothing.
But it's toxic now, it's toxic now.
I needed you, where were you?
Why'd you let me break.
I'm drowning at you feet.
Why didn't you see me then?
Why didn't you see me then?
You were too late, couldn't save me,
The burns are scars,
Engraved deep within my heart.
And it burns, I still burn,
I'm burning in toxic, toxic
It's burning, burning my skin
I'm breaking, I'm falling into this pit
It's cold, desperate, empty.
But you can't save me now.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Hello and Good-bye Fall
It's crazy how Fall has started weeks ago, but I haven't been able to really feel the season until just yesterday. In South Carolina the weather is so crazy that we just might believe Mother Nature is bi-polar. Or you could blame it on the global warming, like the other half of the nation. Which ever you prefer. But I would like take this time to state just how beautiful fall is. I mean who doesn't love to see the wonderful change of leave colors on the trees, or the golden festivities of Thanksgiving. Yes while Fall is just but the mere transition between summer and winter, there are many hidden treasures to be found.
www.thechristianacademy.org
I would have to say my favorite part about this wonderful chilly season is not the falling of leaves, but the Thanksgiving holiday itself. Who doesn't like sitting around a warm table with their mouth gaping open to the delicious array of food to eat. I am forever thankful to the Indians and Pilgrims who began this tradition of stuffing out faces non-stop for this time of the year. Thank you for giving me that one day to devour mashed potatoes, mac-n-cheese, and ham without having to feel like a weird fat-ass. Really Thanks! I owe y'all one.
coolrain44.wordpress.com
But Autumn is of course short lived by my favorite season of the year: Winter. As I said before,in my eyes fall is as much a transition for summer to winter, as middle school is for elementary school to high school. But with that note stated (I hope no one kills me if I hurt their feeling... -_-). I hope everyone enjoys the weather and what's left of nature because I have a feeling this might just be the coldest winter yet. (Would Big Daddy like to come cuddle with me) (Really, my toes are freezing!)
So happy holidays to all and don't cry when you're pants don't fit you the week after Thanksgiving. No ones does. But no one put a gun to your head and told you to stuff you face until you passed out. Did they? :-) Just blame this majestic season!
www.thechristianacademy.org
I would have to say my favorite part about this wonderful chilly season is not the falling of leaves, but the Thanksgiving holiday itself. Who doesn't like sitting around a warm table with their mouth gaping open to the delicious array of food to eat. I am forever thankful to the Indians and Pilgrims who began this tradition of stuffing out faces non-stop for this time of the year. Thank you for giving me that one day to devour mashed potatoes, mac-n-cheese, and ham without having to feel like a weird fat-ass. Really Thanks! I owe y'all one.
coolrain44.wordpress.com
But Autumn is of course short lived by my favorite season of the year: Winter. As I said before,in my eyes fall is as much a transition for summer to winter, as middle school is for elementary school to high school. But with that note stated (I hope no one kills me if I hurt their feeling... -_-). I hope everyone enjoys the weather and what's left of nature because I have a feeling this might just be the coldest winter yet. (Would Big Daddy like to come cuddle with me) (Really, my toes are freezing!)
So happy holidays to all and don't cry when you're pants don't fit you the week after Thanksgiving. No ones does. But no one put a gun to your head and told you to stuff you face until you passed out. Did they? :-) Just blame this majestic season!
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Love Sucks, But Not for Cat Ladies
In honor of my five month anniversary I would like to share with the world how much love sucks. It sucks. It really does. I should just end this at that, but I'm pretty sure I owe it to myself to reason with my emotions. Just to make sure I'm not overreacting. Right?
I mean don't get me wrong. There are so many perks to having another half. Your soul mate. Your pair. The second sock. The other pea in your pod. It's nice having some one to cuddle with, telling you how important you are to them. Letting you know the many reasons why your existence is of so much value to them. Some one who can wake you up with a wonderful smile every morning, and put you to rest at night with that same smile. It's nice to have some one who can take you to places and make you feel special. It's nice to have a reason to dress up in that beautiful black dress, and curl you hair for a date night (At least for a female it is). All of these things are nice. But with love there is also war.
After the first month of un-realistic out-of-this-world happiness, life starts to kick you in the ass. Frankly it's saying, "Wake up moron, you have to go to work and be miserable." And if in case that doesn't suck enough, lets add a little bit of a spin to your love story. *Insert suspicious texts* *Insert overused excuses* *Insert overpowering doubt*. And then life says, "How do you like these apples now!?" Well life let me tell you, your apples suck! Some of us may choose to strive away from the doubt for a while, but don't act like it doesn't bite you in the ass at night. When you're up at two in the morning asking yourself why he doesn't wait up for your texts anymore, or why he doesn't show you as much affection anymore, or why he's got so many damn sluts on his social networks? Why????!!! Ladies, stop cheating yourselves. You know you think the same way I do sometimes.
Yes, most of the time we're just overreacting. We tend to get a bit emotional on minor topics. You're man is going to look at other women no matter how hot we are. Let's not act like we don't do it too.
But guys, when a woman is quiet that's when we need you to prove us wrong the most. Don't you get it? Tell us we're wrong about our doubts, but don't just tell us that, prove it! Show us that there is no other woman in the world better than the one that is by your side. And when you're ex-girlfriend texts you and y'all tell us that you answered her back making us extremely jealous and doubtful, don't get upset. Why the hell would you answer her? We're women, we overreact a lot to these situations!! Instead of going on the defense ranting about how you won't tell us when these things happen because we're childish, show us why we shouldn't get stupid. Show us how your past is your past and it will not get in the way of your present or future.
On the flip side, women sometimes we need let our men breathe. Just because we have an evil conniving mind and expect the worst in people doesn't necessarily mean men are the same way. Some men are cute innocent puppies. They make actions with the best interest in heart, and we just take our daily period rants and make them look like another Lord Voldemort. Let's get their side of the story shan't we?
Take it from a woman that is now spending her fifth month-aversary by herself. Love is as wonderful as it is a horror movie. But before you communicate out your problems how about you take five minutes for yourself and plan out what it is you feel, and why you feel that way. Then go work things out with you men. Okay ladies? Otherwise you'll end up a crazy cat lady like I probably will now... Actually now that I think about it, that wouldn't be too bad...
I mean don't get me wrong. There are so many perks to having another half. Your soul mate. Your pair. The second sock. The other pea in your pod. It's nice having some one to cuddle with, telling you how important you are to them. Letting you know the many reasons why your existence is of so much value to them. Some one who can wake you up with a wonderful smile every morning, and put you to rest at night with that same smile. It's nice to have some one who can take you to places and make you feel special. It's nice to have a reason to dress up in that beautiful black dress, and curl you hair for a date night (At least for a female it is). All of these things are nice. But with love there is also war.
After the first month of un-realistic out-of-this-world happiness, life starts to kick you in the ass. Frankly it's saying, "Wake up moron, you have to go to work and be miserable." And if in case that doesn't suck enough, lets add a little bit of a spin to your love story. *Insert suspicious texts* *Insert overused excuses* *Insert overpowering doubt*. And then life says, "How do you like these apples now!?" Well life let me tell you, your apples suck! Some of us may choose to strive away from the doubt for a while, but don't act like it doesn't bite you in the ass at night. When you're up at two in the morning asking yourself why he doesn't wait up for your texts anymore, or why he doesn't show you as much affection anymore, or why he's got so many damn sluts on his social networks? Why????!!! Ladies, stop cheating yourselves. You know you think the same way I do sometimes.
Yes, most of the time we're just overreacting. We tend to get a bit emotional on minor topics. You're man is going to look at other women no matter how hot we are. Let's not act like we don't do it too.
But guys, when a woman is quiet that's when we need you to prove us wrong the most. Don't you get it? Tell us we're wrong about our doubts, but don't just tell us that, prove it! Show us that there is no other woman in the world better than the one that is by your side. And when you're ex-girlfriend texts you and y'all tell us that you answered her back making us extremely jealous and doubtful, don't get upset. Why the hell would you answer her? We're women, we overreact a lot to these situations!! Instead of going on the defense ranting about how you won't tell us when these things happen because we're childish, show us why we shouldn't get stupid. Show us how your past is your past and it will not get in the way of your present or future.
On the flip side, women sometimes we need let our men breathe. Just because we have an evil conniving mind and expect the worst in people doesn't necessarily mean men are the same way. Some men are cute innocent puppies. They make actions with the best interest in heart, and we just take our daily period rants and make them look like another Lord Voldemort. Let's get their side of the story shan't we?
Take it from a woman that is now spending her fifth month-aversary by herself. Love is as wonderful as it is a horror movie. But before you communicate out your problems how about you take five minutes for yourself and plan out what it is you feel, and why you feel that way. Then go work things out with you men. Okay ladies? Otherwise you'll end up a crazy cat lady like I probably will now... Actually now that I think about it, that wouldn't be too bad...
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Let's Catch Up...
It's been hard to say why I had started a blog...and never wrote it in. I guess I've always been afraid of everyone reading my personal thoughts. But then, that's what a diary is for. Isn't it?
But it's time to see this in a new perspective. Instead of writing so I can see what others feel of my work, how come I've never written to just let go of my anger and frustration? But once again, isn't that what a diary is for? Well who cares, this...is my public diary. I've come to conclude that I have nothing to be embarrassed about. My audience doesn't know me. And I don't know my audience. Yet I'm pretty sure there are many who encounter the same day by day tribulations that I do. So, why not give each other a helping hand. Advice is always much appreciated!
Since my last (and only -_-) blog, a couple of changes have occurred in my life... My engagement was broken, due to sad heart breaking revelations that I don't wish to discuss at the moment. But I am in a relationship with a guy I shall dub "Big Daddy". How's that for a code name, huh? I can't say it's been the best relationship I've ever had. Since I've matured so much in such a small amount of time I now consider myself an extremely realistic human being. Note I said realistic, not pessimistic...no need to be down on everything. I take pride in being able to "tell it how I feel it"-but not to the point of line crossing. There's no need to get yourself in trouble all the time. Yet, I feel like I am now more able to express how I feel and what I think (which is why I say it hasn't been the best relationship; it's had its ups and downs). But "Big Daddy" is a wonderful man, whose definitely been a big part is helping break down my shell, I should say? Love you "Big Daddy"...
What else is new? I've started a wonderful employment opportunity at an online children's clothing company called "Smockadot Kids". I was hired to monogram clothing (it's pretty cool), but I also help out in the shipping department from time to time. The coolest part of my job? Getting to see the process of how an online store gets your purchases to your doorstep. A to Z. I'm super grateful I have this wonderful experience, and hope to learn from it.
So how come I just remembered that I even had a blog, you say? Well truth is I was watching Awkward. Because I still consider myself to be a crazy teen girl who loves to watch scripted TV shows (even though I'm almost 21). Why not? I mean, they're the ones who have really made me feel like my problems aren't out of this world crazy. I know that there are other crazy people out there like me. At least the screen writers of these shows are...because who else comes up with the crazy day-to-day drama we see on these shows. They do. And who goes through that crazy whirl-wind of a ride we call life? We do. So, thank you Awkward. You make me feel normal.
And it was until I was re-watching the first episode that I realized: Maybe I'm not the only one with a messed up life that I'm trying to figure out as I go. Maybe none of us are really alone. And sometimes the only way to figure out the solution to your problems is by writing them out.
So hello to all my wonderful inter-webbers, and welcome to this wonderful mess I like to call:
But it's time to see this in a new perspective. Instead of writing so I can see what others feel of my work, how come I've never written to just let go of my anger and frustration? But once again, isn't that what a diary is for? Well who cares, this...is my public diary. I've come to conclude that I have nothing to be embarrassed about. My audience doesn't know me. And I don't know my audience. Yet I'm pretty sure there are many who encounter the same day by day tribulations that I do. So, why not give each other a helping hand. Advice is always much appreciated!
Since my last (and only -_-) blog, a couple of changes have occurred in my life... My engagement was broken, due to sad heart breaking revelations that I don't wish to discuss at the moment. But I am in a relationship with a guy I shall dub "Big Daddy". How's that for a code name, huh? I can't say it's been the best relationship I've ever had. Since I've matured so much in such a small amount of time I now consider myself an extremely realistic human being. Note I said realistic, not pessimistic...no need to be down on everything. I take pride in being able to "tell it how I feel it"-but not to the point of line crossing. There's no need to get yourself in trouble all the time. Yet, I feel like I am now more able to express how I feel and what I think (which is why I say it hasn't been the best relationship; it's had its ups and downs). But "Big Daddy" is a wonderful man, whose definitely been a big part is helping break down my shell, I should say? Love you "Big Daddy"...
What else is new? I've started a wonderful employment opportunity at an online children's clothing company called "Smockadot Kids". I was hired to monogram clothing (it's pretty cool), but I also help out in the shipping department from time to time. The coolest part of my job? Getting to see the process of how an online store gets your purchases to your doorstep. A to Z. I'm super grateful I have this wonderful experience, and hope to learn from it.
So how come I just remembered that I even had a blog, you say? Well truth is I was watching Awkward. Because I still consider myself to be a crazy teen girl who loves to watch scripted TV shows (even though I'm almost 21). Why not? I mean, they're the ones who have really made me feel like my problems aren't out of this world crazy. I know that there are other crazy people out there like me. At least the screen writers of these shows are...because who else comes up with the crazy day-to-day drama we see on these shows. They do. And who goes through that crazy whirl-wind of a ride we call life? We do. So, thank you Awkward. You make me feel normal.
And it was until I was re-watching the first episode that I realized: Maybe I'm not the only one with a messed up life that I'm trying to figure out as I go. Maybe none of us are really alone. And sometimes the only way to figure out the solution to your problems is by writing them out.
So hello to all my wonderful inter-webbers, and welcome to this wonderful mess I like to call:
Life
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Salutations Amigos...
As you can clearly see by my title, I'm a Scooter Lover. I don't mean the toy kind that relates with roller skates, bicycles, and all that other stuff that makes boys fantasize about becoming some form of Tony Hawk. I mean my dog...Scooter....
...
...
OK, so you finally found out I fall under the 25% of human beings that love their pet dog (the other 75% either prefer cats over dogs, neither, or both). I adore my pet, because he is filled with the wonderful innocence that we once had when God first created us. Until Eve fell into temptation, of course. My companion is not only man's best friend: He's Stephanny's best friend too.... - - - - - Wow, that was cheesy... In the end, I am Scooter-Lover.
But, I don't just love Scooter. I love my fiancee, my family, my view on how delicate and wonderful life is, and most importantly God. (God is number one. Don't you ever, ever, ever forget that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
*EVER*
I love snow, I water, I love stripes and red lipstick and "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". Yup I love all those things, but not as much as God, my fiancee, or Scooter.
Hopefully, you don't already think I some kind of weirdo with no social life. Because I'm not. *Insert cheesy smile*. I've always had the desire to have a blog, but I never began one because I always had the fear that no one would like it, or I would run out of topics to blog about. (I mean, really, who doesn't feel that way). But then it hit me...WHAT WAS I THINKING??????!!!!!! I should write a blog not for the satisfaction of having multiple people act like they like me, that was facebook is for. I should have one because I want to connect with the other people who are streaming on the inter-web bored out of their minds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BAM!
No, I'm just kidding, but I do really want to connect with people out there.
Every one! Anyone....some one? Please?
And maybe in this coo-coo universe my dog can understand what I'm blogging about, and he'll be like,
"Yay! My human blogged about me on the inter-web. I trained her alright-SQUIRREL!"
...
...
OK, so you finally found out I fall under the 25% of human beings that love their pet dog (the other 75% either prefer cats over dogs, neither, or both). I adore my pet, because he is filled with the wonderful innocence that we once had when God first created us. Until Eve fell into temptation, of course. My companion is not only man's best friend: He's Stephanny's best friend too.... - - - - - Wow, that was cheesy... In the end, I am Scooter-Lover.
But, I don't just love Scooter. I love my fiancee, my family, my view on how delicate and wonderful life is, and most importantly God. (God is number one. Don't you ever, ever, ever forget that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
*EVER*
I love snow, I water, I love stripes and red lipstick and "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". Yup I love all those things, but not as much as God, my fiancee, or Scooter.
Hopefully, you don't already think I some kind of weirdo with no social life. Because I'm not. *Insert cheesy smile*. I've always had the desire to have a blog, but I never began one because I always had the fear that no one would like it, or I would run out of topics to blog about. (I mean, really, who doesn't feel that way). But then it hit me...WHAT WAS I THINKING??????!!!!!! I should write a blog not for the satisfaction of having multiple people act like they like me, that was facebook is for. I should have one because I want to connect with the other people who are streaming on the inter-web bored out of their minds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BAM!
No, I'm just kidding, but I do really want to connect with people out there.
Every one! Anyone....some one? Please?
And maybe in this coo-coo universe my dog can understand what I'm blogging about, and he'll be like,
"Yay! My human blogged about me on the inter-web. I trained her alright-SQUIRREL!"
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